I received one email today about Adjustment

Ours was an arranged marriage. It was done the traditional way. Our Parents took care of everything. My only condition was that she should be ready to work. Our horoscopes and photos were exchanged. Everything Matched. I spoke to her over the phone. We talked about things two strangers would talk. She was a lecturer in Bangalore who felt Chemistry was more important than Hindi movies. There was no engagement. The date for marriage was fixed in 2 weeks as I could not get a vacation after that. Even the vacation time I got was just 10 days.

Everything was fixed. It was supposed to be very hectic for me. We got married and 2 days later we had to leave the country. She cried like there was no tomorrow when we left. She would not talk to me on the plane. I thought that was usual for an Indian girl. I thought she would get over it. Once home she would not talk to me. She sat in a corner staring at the TV. For the first couple of days I had to catch up on some work and did not take her mood seriously.

A week later I sat beside her and asked her, "What is wrong?"

"Why did you bring me here?"

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"I want to go home"

"This is your home"

"No. I want to go home. Please buy me a ticket"

"Look, everybody feels homesick. I did when I came here the first time. It is normal. You will get over it. Sorry I have been busy with work.

We can go out this weekend. You will meet my friends and other people who will be very friendly. Come on be a good girl"

"I hate this place. I miss my family, my friends, my college. All the people I know are not here. I want to go home"

"Think for a minute. Try to reason it out yourself. What is your plan by the way? So you want to go back and never come back?"

"Yes"

"Are you crazy?"

"If you think this is crazy then I am."

"It is ok if you do not answer this question. Is there someone else?"

"No. I want to go home. I will call 911 if you do not send me"

"First cool down. Think about it. Think about our parents. It is less than a month that we got married and now you want to return home. You very well knew that you had to come here. What were you thinking? Even if you are returning home what happens to our marriage?"

"I am not blaming you. I take the blame. It is my mistake. I can't stay so far away from my family. If you are so interested come to India"

"I am family too! What you are asking is ridiculous."

The next day she would not change her mind. I called my folks. They said that it was my decision and they would stand by me. I booked her ticket and put it in her hand the next evening. She was to leave in 2 days.

Nothing would convince her to change her mind. She was crying like a kid. Then she left.

She had done nothing for me to miss but something inside me was telling me that I was at fault. I tried to shake it off but as time grew I started feeling more guilty. I called her. She made it clear that she did not find me despicable but she would not leave her city. Her parents apologized profusely but they were helpless too.

I have had crushes. None of them were serious. There was this girl in my high school tuition whose phone no I managed to find out. Then the prettiest girl in college whom everybody loved, who talked to me once. Then the girl from my city who was at my university in USA who made me feel at home when I visited her place. I had ignored them once I crossed their paths. But Anjali was my wife. I could not ignore her.

I decided to quit my job. I went home. No one back home knew I was returning. I wanted to surprise her. I dropped off my bags at my place and went to the college she was teaching. The gate keeper would not let me in. So I had to wait outside for the classes to get over.

She walked out alone, struggling to carry her bag, tired, with slow steps. She was walking towards the bus stop. I silently followed her and went behind her and whispered, "Do you mind if I carry your bag?"

She was startled and turned to face me. Her eyes lit up. I was not sure if I could hug her. I was smiling and she had a 100 questions written all over her face. "I want to spend a week with you in this city. Show me the things that you could not miss"

That one week went in a jiffy. She was treated a kid at home with all the comforts. That explained her behaviour. Coffee was brought to her in the morning. Even her dress was laid out for her. She would have breakfast and leave. The bus journey was an hour. She would sit near the window with a book. Then once in the college she would teach her classes and come out tired in the evening. She would stand in the crowded bus carrying her bag which would look heavy. Then she would alight, go home, have a snack and would head out to a friend's place. Some times she'd stay home watching TV or listening to music. When her dad returned she would join him and they'd have dinner. Then her mom would tuck her in bed. Weekends were not much different. She would sleep late, wake up for breakfast and lie down talking on the phone. Then she would visit the temple in the evening and would have her singing lessons. Then she would eat out and would head home late.

That was her life. It was something every human being wanted - simple, content and happy. Of course to her I was a villain. I told her that I understood her. I wanted to know if it was ok if she stayed in the same city but away from her parents. Her only condition was that I should not stay at my parent's place to which I agreed. So we moved into a small apartment. She knew nothing. She had to be taught everything. She learnt. It was hard to make her understand that she had duties and she had a husband. Coffee had to be brought to her in the morning. She made the rules and broke them. She did not care for me. Sometimes she would not return home but go to her parents' place without informing me. I would have had to go bring her back.

Slowly she started realizing about married life. She would wake up before me, try to cook, agree for a movie, visit my friend's place, invite me to her college, let me dress her up, dance in front of me, teach me Chemistry, talk about her crushes, play cricket with me, make me cry for a change. She was growing mature day by day. One day she apologized for the whole thing. I brushed it aside. Finally I had her the way I wanted.

Today I am happy and content with my life. She is still there crying to get her things done. I keep reminding her how she had threatened to call the police. She laughs it away. Some times I wonder how life would have been if I had not returned. Then again some things are left as they are.

That's how life is..
There are two ways of meeting difficulties:

"You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them"

 

చందుగాడికి కాలేజీ లో ఉన్నప్పుడు Tie ని BirthDay Gift గా ఇచ్చి ఈ lines రాసా

Power of thought

How to go beyond negative thoughts
The power of thought. Isn't it amazing how whatever you focus on becomes the life you lead? Every thought that you invest in becomes your reality through the Law of Attraction. So why is it that the... The power of thought. Isn't it amazing how whatever you focus on becomes the life you lead? Every thought that you invest in becomes your reality through the Law of Attraction. So why is it that the negative thoughts just sneak in and do their best to derail all that you've been thinking positively about? Why would your negative thoughts even want to derail you, and how do you keep this from happening? Someone once said, "Worrying is like little seeds of prayers and thoughts that are asking for what you don't want." Here are a few tips on how to get beyond the negative thoughts you may be harboring.

Observe the negative thoughts instead of 'buying into' them:

Sometimes it can be hard to catch a negative thought before it comes into being within your mind. You can be enjoying the afternoon and all of a sudden you'll hear a negative thought that puts you into a tailspin of worry. Do your best to catch your negative thought when it comes into your mind and just for a moment step aside and observe your own logical mind and why you are having that particular thought. Get to the root of the matter. Are you worrying for the sake of worrying? Are you anticipating some event that you may be up against next week? Find out where the negative thought is coming from and just observe instead of participate. Is the negative thought stemming from some worry or from insecurity within you? Whatever the reason, just observe the negative thought and dig deeper within you. Is the negative thought stemmed in worry? Will the worrisome situation actually have a chance of happening "for real?" Get to the bottom of the thought and break it down. Don't become frustrated that you have negative thoughts. We all have them. It is our reaction to them that is the changing key. Observe and don't buy into what you may be saying about yourself or another. Take the negative and transform it into a positive. Catch yourself and transform the thought or completely negate it. When you get in a habit of negative thinking you can get rid of the habit by making the effort to catch yourself and observe what the thought is really about.

Every negative feeling and thought is like a boomerang

Remember that every thought and feeling that is repetitive in your mind will come about eventually. Every negative thought and feeling is a boomerang and eventually that boomerang will come back around. Keep this in mind the next time you tell yourself that your negative ways aren't hurting anyone. They are hurting you and creating more of the same. On the contrary if you think negatively and begin to change your mind over to the positive you will have a boomerang that you'll be happy to catch.

Shifting Focus

Contrast is part of being human. How boring would it be if we all liked the same things? What would be valuable in that experience? There is an opposite to everything in life and that is part of the human experience.

Realize that, as many negative thoughts you may have you can have just as easily enjoy many positive ones. Make the effort to make the change. Catch yourself in your own negative patterns and shift the focus as to find the positive in every event in your life. When you begin to make a habit out of finding the positive, no matter what you experience, your reality will reflect more positive things via the Law of Attraction.

Replacing the negative thoughts

It isn't enough to just get rid of the negative in your life. It is important to replace the negative with a positive. When your logical mind starts to understand and change when you disrupt the negative patterns, it must have something to replace that void. If you don't replace the negative pattern the mind will head right back to where it was…in the negative zone. Observe your own thought patterns throughout the day and see where your focus heads the most with the negative. Write it down and when you have the chance write an opposite of that negative. When it pops up throughout the day replace it with the new positive you have made for yourself.

You will find that life will take a turn for you when you are able to keep most of the negative thoughts that creep in from time to time at bay. You noticed we said most…we are all human, you know!
                                                                                                 
                                                                                                          (extracted from my friend's blog)

 

Sands of Separation... Heart touching Love Story

Repost

I opened Akshay’s diary and I leafed through the pages.

The initial pages...

‘This is the third year Akshay. For three years, we have been in love’ Megha said, and continued, ‘I couldn’t have asked for more. You have been a great source of inspiration and help for me. You have been my best friend and you are the reason for shaping my career, my life and my happiness as well....’

  

The engineering final semester results are out and Megha as well as I passed out with flying colours. Megha always had problems with her studies since the time she’s joined engineering stream.

I was always with her in all walks of life. Life after college. Be it ragging or be it studies or be it extracurricular activities or be it life...

And finally a day after our first year examinations Megha proposed to me, and I accepted her whole heartedly. In fact I always said ‘I dint propose her, neither did she propose me... Love just happened between us’

A few pages later on...

She lay her head on my shoulder and gripped my arm firmly. ‘Please don’t go, please, I will do whatever you want me to, don’t leave me and go’ she said, even as her tears wet my shirt. I put my hand over her shoulder pinching her cheeks and said, ‘I love you’. There was a slight smile on her face and she burst crying once again. We alighted down the taxi and walked towards the platform.

The train was already standing on the platform and I docked my luggage underneath the seat and got down from the train. ‘Where is she’ I thought when she ran to me and hugged me from behind. I slowly turned back and hugged her close to my heart with my chin reaching her head and I kissed her ‘smooch’ on her forehead. There were tears in her eyes as I was about to leave in another few minutes. I held her shoulders and bent down a little and said, ‘Don’t cry, look into my eyes’, I said even when she I wiped the tears off her brows and she came close to me again and hugged me.

‘I am gonna miss you’ she said and I replied, ‘so am I’ when a loud blare interrupted our conversation. ‘I think it’s time for me to leave. Take care of yourself. I will talk to you over the phone. I will come now and then to see you’ I said and I pulled her close to me once again and I kissed her on her forehead. And....

Even as I flipped more pages...

‘Megha’, I Called her over the phone ‘I secured a good score in GMAT...’ I told her, ‘perhaps I may get a call from Harvard in a month or two, I have already applied.’

‘Congrats Akshay’ Megha said.

‘I love you, Megha...’ I told her and she replied by kissing over the phone which would remind me of her wet lip marks on my cheek when she kissed me for real.

I called her after few days again. ‘Megha, I need some work experience man. Perhaps a year or two. So I was asked to re-apply after that. Since the score is valid for five years....’ I told her.

I flipped few more pages...

I have reached Megha’s home to talk to her parents about our marriage. Her mom hated me from the beginning. She looked at me as if I was a pest in her house. I wanted to talk to their parents initially before I bring my parents for further talks. Any kinda ego clashes and mine and Megha’s future‘s gone.

Even though her dad was kinda ok with my job and my future plans, her mom wasn’t ready to offer her daughter’s hand in marriage.

Caste issues, love and society, birth stars and astrology... what not ... all this shit hindered our marriage. And her mom simply said, ‘Get out’.

I never took it to heart. I will also become a dad in the future and if my daughter says that she loves some one, I will also certainly not be happy with her decision. But at least I would give it a thought. And with the same hope, I never stopped trying. I was always behind her. I begged her. I requested her. I tried to convince her. No avail.

One day, I finally received a call from Megha. ‘Akshay’, she was in tears. ‘My mom strictly cautioned me that she would end her life, if I still think about our marriage... you temme what I should do...’

I had no words. There’s no point in building a love palace over the dead bodies of our parents.

And that was the last time I spoke to Megha.....

Flipping few more pages...

For more than a year, I wasn’t able to forget her. I raved like a lunatic on the roads. At times felt like killing myself. I have seen Megha donating alms to a beggar. ‘Poor guy’ she used to tell. ‘What about me...’ I cried out loud falling onto my knees even as it rained along the beach and my tears drained along with the dripping droplets.

The sun would rise from deep within the sea only to remind me of the actual horror I am facing from deep within my heart. ‘Why did you introduce me to her, God?’ I shouted at him, ‘When you knew that we wouldn’t get married...’

A few months later, I came to know that Megha was married to a well to do guy from Harvard’s. And my heart broke like a piece of delicate glass when dropped onto a floor.

It took me one full year to recover. Five years of love has fetched me nothing but pain. Pain which I will never be able to forget throughout my life. Pain which will never make Akshay the same again. Pain which took my life away from me. Pain which I never wish would happen to some one else. Pain Pain Pain... There’s nothing left in my life...

Two total years I have suffered. Two years I have done nothing in my life. Two years I was jobless and spent them in pain and suffering. And I missed the opportunity to study at Harvard’s. My career’s spoiled too.

As I write this part of the diary, my heart is weeping even after 10 years she’s married. Out of my parents pressure I too married another girl. After all life has to go on. I was living just because my body was alive, but my soul was already dead long back. I had a daughter and I named her Megha in the fond memory of my dead love and my beloved Megha.

How was a child born to me and my wife? Yes I had no interest in the intercourse and the kid was a result of the subconscious male instincts, not love. I had no interest in the woman who married me. Even if I touch her or see her, I could only see Megha in her. Instead of me cheating her and cheating myself, it’s better that I remain far away from her. I was never happy with her. My heart burdened with the feeling that I have wasted the life of a beautiful and a considerate woman. And the kid, I was always reminded of the fact that my ex-lover Megha wanted me to name the kid with my name if it’s a male and I wished to have her named Megha, if it’s a female. I am worried about her future too. I will never ever be a good husband or a good dad, and thanks to you Megha for gifting me this in return for all the love, I have lighted the wick of my heart which ultimately burnt my heart and melted it.

Why have you done this to me Megha? Life hurts. I haven’t dreamt of this kind of life. Ten years I have wasted raving and craving about you. You came, you loved and then you broke and left. But it will take a life time for me to repair that broken heart…….

The diary ended...

There were tears in my eyes as I finished reading the diary. I was at a marriage when I met Akshay again after 10 long years. He came to me and when I asked about his well being, he handed over a diary after opening his bag.

‘Megha’ a voice called me out. ‘Let’s go to the beach and enjoy...’ he said. That’s Nikhil, my husband.

Life is totally different now Akshay after the sharp turn which it took separating us forever. You might have suffered for 2 years or 10 years. I was suffering and will be suffering for the rest of my life; in fact lives to come by. Nikhil is a nice man. I have spoiled his life too. He had always been a very good friend and a good husband. But I have never been a good wife. And my son, I love him, cos he’s Akshay.

And what all pain and suffering you have undergone, I underwent umpteen times the same.

Lost in thoughts, I began to draw, with my finger the symbol of love and wrote ‘Akshay & Megha’ and was looking at those words in deep thought when I felt a hand fell over my shoulder. It was my son Akshay. ‘Just like you Akshay, I have named my kid after you’ I thought when a huge wave made its way towards us, even as I pulled my son away from it.

The wave erased the symbol of love and the words written inside it, on these sands of separation....

నేను నా friend కి కవిత ( అని నా feeling ) వ్రాసానోచ్