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I opened Akshay’s diary and I leafed through the pages.
The initial pages...
‘This is the third year Akshay. For three years, we have been in love’ Megha said, and continued, ‘I couldn’t have asked for more. You have been a great source of inspiration and help for me. You have been my best friend and you are the reason for shaping my career, my life and my happiness as well....’
The engineering final semester results are out and Megha as well as I passed out with flying colours. Megha always had problems with her studies since the time she’s joined engineering stream.
I was always with her in all walks of life. Life after college. Be it ragging or be it studies or be it extracurricular activities or be it life...
And finally a day after our first year examinations Megha proposed to me, and I accepted her whole heartedly. In fact I always said ‘I dint propose her, neither did she propose me... Love just happened between us’
A few pages later on...
She lay her head on my shoulder and gripped my arm firmly. ‘Please don’t go, please, I will do whatever you want me to, don’t leave me and go’ she said, even as her tears wet my shirt. I put my hand over her shoulder pinching her cheeks and said, ‘I love you’. There was a slight smile on her face and she burst crying once again. We alighted down the taxi and walked towards the platform.
The train was already standing on the platform and I docked my luggage underneath the seat and got down from the train. ‘Where is she’ I thought when she ran to me and hugged me from behind. I slowly turned back and hugged her close to my heart with my chin reaching her head and I kissed her ‘smooch’ on her forehead. There were tears in her eyes as I was about to leave in another few minutes. I held her shoulders and bent down a little and said, ‘Don’t cry, look into my eyes’, I said even when she I wiped the tears off her brows and she came close to me again and hugged me.
‘I am gonna miss you’ she said and I replied, ‘so am I’ when a loud blare interrupted our conversation. ‘I think it’s time for me to leave. Take care of yourself. I will talk to you over the phone. I will come now and then to see you’ I said and I pulled her close to me once again and I kissed her on her forehead. And....
Even as I flipped more pages...
‘Megha’, I Called her over the phone ‘I secured a good score in GMAT...’ I told her, ‘perhaps I may get a call from Harvard in a month or two, I have already applied.’
‘Congrats Akshay’ Megha said.
‘I love you, Megha...’ I told her and she replied by kissing over the phone which would remind me of her wet lip marks on my cheek when she kissed me for real.
I called her after few days again. ‘Megha, I need some work experience man. Perhaps a year or two. So I was asked to re-apply after that. Since the score is valid for five years....’ I told her.
I flipped few more pages...
I have reached Megha’s home to talk to her parents about our marriage. Her mom hated me from the beginning. She looked at me as if I was a pest in her house. I wanted to talk to their parents initially before I bring my parents for further talks. Any kinda ego clashes and mine and Megha’s future‘s gone.
Even though her dad was kinda ok with my job and my future plans, her mom wasn’t ready to offer her daughter’s hand in marriage.
Caste issues, love and society, birth stars and astrology... what not ... all this shit hindered our marriage. And her mom simply said, ‘Get out’.
I never took it to heart. I will also become a dad in the future and if my daughter says that she loves some one, I will also certainly not be happy with her decision. But at least I would give it a thought. And with the same hope, I never stopped trying. I was always behind her. I begged her. I requested her. I tried to convince her. No avail.
One day, I finally received a call from Megha. ‘Akshay’, she was in tears. ‘My mom strictly cautioned me that she would end her life, if I still think about our marriage... you temme what I should do...’
I had no words. There’s no point in building a love palace over the dead bodies of our parents.
And that was the last time I spoke to Megha.....
Flipping few more pages...
For more than a year, I wasn’t able to forget her. I raved like a lunatic on the roads. At times felt like killing myself. I have seen Megha donating alms to a beggar. ‘Poor guy’ she used to tell. ‘What about me...’ I cried out loud falling onto my knees even as it rained along the beach and my tears drained along with the dripping droplets.
The sun would rise from deep within the sea only to remind me of the actual horror I am facing from deep within my heart. ‘Why did you introduce me to her, God?’ I shouted at him, ‘When you knew that we wouldn’t get married...’
A few months later, I came to know that Megha was married to a well to do guy from Harvard’s. And my heart broke like a piece of delicate glass when dropped onto a floor.
It took me one full year to recover. Five years of love has fetched me nothing but pain. Pain which I will never be able to forget throughout my life. Pain which will never make Akshay the same again. Pain which took my life away from me. Pain which I never wish would happen to some one else. Pain Pain Pain... There’s nothing left in my life...
Two total years I have suffered. Two years I have done nothing in my life. Two years I was jobless and spent them in pain and suffering. And I missed the opportunity to study at Harvard’s. My career’s spoiled too.
As I write this part of the diary, my heart is weeping even after 10 years she’s married. Out of my parents pressure I too married another girl. After all life has to go on. I was living just because my body was alive, but my soul was already dead long back. I had a daughter and I named her Megha in the fond memory of my dead love and my beloved Megha.
How was a child born to me and my wife? Yes I had no interest in the intercourse and the kid was a result of the subconscious male instincts, not love. I had no interest in the woman who married me. Even if I touch her or see her, I could only see Megha in her. Instead of me cheating her and cheating myself, it’s better that I remain far away from her. I was never happy with her. My heart burdened with the feeling that I have wasted the life of a beautiful and a considerate woman. And the kid, I was always reminded of the fact that my ex-lover Megha wanted me to name the kid with my name if it’s a male and I wished to have her named Megha, if it’s a female. I am worried about her future too. I will never ever be a good husband or a good dad, and thanks to you Megha for gifting me this in return for all the love, I have lighted the wick of my heart which ultimately burnt my heart and melted it.
Why have you done this to me Megha? Life hurts. I haven’t dreamt of this kind of life. Ten years I have wasted raving and craving about you. You came, you loved and then you broke and left. But it will take a life time for me to repair that broken heart…….
The diary ended...
There were tears in my eyes as I finished reading the diary. I was at a marriage when I met Akshay again after 10 long years. He came to me and when I asked about his well being, he handed over a diary after opening his bag.
‘Megha’ a voice called me out. ‘Let’s go to the beach and enjoy...’ he said. That’s Nikhil, my husband.
Life is totally different now Akshay after the sharp turn which it took separating us forever. You might have suffered for 2 years or 10 years. I was suffering and will be suffering for the rest of my life; in fact lives to come by. Nikhil is a nice man. I have spoiled his life too. He had always been a very good friend and a good husband. But I have never been a good wife. And my son, I love him, cos he’s Akshay.
And what all pain and suffering you have undergone, I underwent umpteen times the same.
Lost in thoughts, I began to draw, with my finger the symbol of love and wrote ‘Akshay & Megha’ and was looking at those words in deep thought when I felt a hand fell over my shoulder. It was my son Akshay. ‘Just like you Akshay, I have named my kid after you’ I thought when a huge wave made its way towards us, even as I pulled my son away from it.
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